Woody Windham Blog

The Masters Award Acceptance Speech

Cromer’s – Carolette Cromer Turner

I do live commercials several times a week  with Carolette Cromer Turner.  Her grand father started Cromers in Columbia, South Carolina 75 years ago.  As a joke he put up a sign saying, “Cromers, guaranteed the worst peanuts in town.”  It was far from the truth but it worked as an advertising gimmick. It is still working.  Some times, after I hang up talking to Carolette, I will say, “Cromers has the worst peanuts in town.”  It still has shock value after all these years.  Carolette and her husband Hal bought the business from the family rather than see it go out of business.  There was a terrible fire on Assembly Street and a the new location was worse.  She and Hal have carried on the tradition in a stunning manner at 1700 Huger Street.  It is the only place to go for peanuts, popcorn, cotton candy, candy apples, party supplies, seasonal items, and the machines you need to make your own.  Doing the live commercials with Carolette Cromer Turner is never a chore.  She is the most pleasant and upbeat person I know.  Not to mention, she has a beautiful voice.  I find myself looking forward to her call, even though she does pronounce it, UG Street.

The Third Annual New Year’s Eve Celebration

We just put on the best party of the year.  My third annual New Years Eve Party in the Vista, downtown Columbia.  I say ,”We” but it was really my daughter, Jennifer Windham.  I just did the advertising and was the disc jockey for the evening.  She put it all together.  She is one of the best party planners I have ever worked with.  She is very talented in that area.  She handled all the ticket sales and was there to greet everybody coming in,  even though she was recovering from having a beautiful new daughter just a few days before.  Dupre Percival was outstanding again this year with the preparation and serving of all the food and beverages.  It was also his 69th birthday.  He and I are the same age and we have agreed to have this party for another 20 years.  WE will quit when we are 90.  Happy birthday Du.  The biggest table award goes to Berry Winn again this year.  His people sure know how to party.  Mary Saleeby’s  table is close behind and it’s all her family.  They also really know how to throw down.  Coming in third this year was Jeff and Sherry Oates.  She is a school teacher and knows everything.  Franks Wiles had a good showing at his table, too.  I like those table where the people will dance with anybody. Let’s all get together next year for the 4th Annual Woody With The Goodies New Years Eve Party at The 320 Building on Senate Street.  See you there.

Senior Citizens

I did this on my radio show and it lit up the phone with people wanting a copy.  So, I decided to put it on my blog so everybody of any age can enjoy it.

     We seniors are constantly being criticized for every conceivable deficiency of the modern world, real or imaginary.  And we do take responsibility for all we have done and we do not blame others.  However, upon reflection, we would like to point out that we were not the ones who took: the melody out of the music, the pride of of appearance, the courtesy out of driving, the romance out of love, the commitment out of marriage, the responsibility out of parenthood, the togetherness out of the family, the learning out of education, the service out of patriotism, the Golden Rule from rulers, the nativity scene out of cities, the civility out of behavior, the refinement out of language, the dedication out of employment, the prudence out of spending, the ambition out of achievement, or God out of government and school.  And we are certainly not the ones who eliminated patience and tolerance from personal relationships and interaction with others.  And we do understand the meaning of patriotism and remember those who fought and died for our country.  Does anybody under the age of 50 even know the lyrics to the Star Spangled Banner?
    Yes, I’m a senior citizen.  I’m the life of the party even if it lasts past 8 p.m.  I’m very good at opening childproof caps with a hammer.  I usually want to go home before I get where I’m going.  I’m awake many hours before my body will allow me to get up.  I smile the whole time because I have no idea what you’re saying.  I’m very good at telling stories over and over and over and over.  And I am so cared for, long term care, eye care, private care, health care, dental care.  I’m not really grouchy.  I just don’t like traffic, waiting, crowds, lawyers, loud music, unruly kids, Toyota commercials, Tom Brokaw, Dan Rather, barking dogs, politicians, and a few other things I can’t seem to remember right now.  I’m sure that everything I can’t find is in a secure place, somewhere.
     I’m wrinkled, saggy, lumpy and that’s just my left leg.  I’m beginning to realize that getting old is not for wimps.  I’m starting to wonder, if you’re only as old as you feel, how can I possibly be alive at the age of 150?  I’m a walking storeroom of facts.  But I seemed to have lost the key to the storeroom door.  Yes, I am  senior citizen and I think I’m having the time of my life.

Gamecocks Poem

I read the first stanza of this poem on my radio show last week and told the audience that I didn’t want to do the whole thing because it was kind of mean spirited and I am not one of those kind of Gamecock fans.  I pull for USC but I enjoy seeing Clemson do well.  My audience wouldn’t leave me alone until I did the whole thing on the air and when I did I received hundreds of emails asking for a copy.  That’s why I’m posting it on my website.  Enjoy.  Woody.

 
Twas the month before Christmas and all through the town, Not a Tiger fan was stirring, not one could be found. 

Christmas was coming, but no one could care, The stench of defeat still hung in the air. 

Dabo was tossing, sleepless in bed, While visions of Gamecocks still danced in his head. 

He was wearing his cap, which read, “ACC!” And trying to forget that SEC Defeat! 

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter, He sprang from the bed to see what was the matter. 

He stood at the window, his lower lip quivered, The lesson was hard the Ol’ Ball Coach delivered. 

The moon on the breast of the Carolina grass, showed Gamecock footprints from the game that had passed. 

When, what did he see while adjusting his hat, But a great Cock-a-boose, pulled by ragged, orange cats. 

With a cool-handed driver, he frightfully stood, Dabo knew in a moment, it must be Norwood. 

The cats were so tired, they pulled with a strain, So Eric beat them and shouted, and called them by name. 

Now, Spiller! Now, Ford! Now, Ellington and Parker! On, Daquan! On, Palmer! On Austin, and Harper! 

We’ll see Williams Brice again ‘fore I’m done, And run the Wild Cock one more time, just for fun. 

As the footballs within the wild “Cock and Fire” fly, Dumbfounding the DB’s, as they watch them go by, 

Around and around, the poor Tigers flew, With a Cock-a-boose full of Gamecocks, and Stephen Garcia too! 

Then the Gamecocks stood guard o’er the Tigers out back, As they painted poor Brad Scott’s house garnet and black. 

As Dabo drew in his hand, and was turning around, The Ghost of Steve Spurrier was seen floating down. 
He was dressed all in fur from his toes to his chin, He had made a new coat from some old Tiger skins. 

Several more Tigers, he had flung on his back, Jacoby, Richard Jackson and Chad Deihl, in fact. 

His eyes – how they twinkled! His countenance – how merry! He was thinking of the team his young Gamecocks had buried. 

Then suddenly above the Great Spectre appeared, The names of all the coaches he had whipped through the years. 

The victory torches still smoldered beneath, And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath. 

But Dabo stood blank-faced, his stomach still queasy, He knew that next year was not going to be easy. 

He was sad and disgruntled; a mere shell of a man, And Steve laughed when he saw him, and thought of HIS FANS. 

They stood face to face, Dabo wanted to run. He could hear the theme song from 2001. 

The Ghost spoke not a word, but went straight to his plan, Leaving Stephon Gilmore bobbleheads for all those at hand. 

And raising his visor in salute as on cue, He said, “See ya next year!”, and he faded from view. 

Norwood sprang to the Cock-a-boose, to the cats said, “Let’s go!”, The Tigers all cried saying, “No, Eric, please no!” 

But I heard him exclaim, when they couldn’t be seen, “Merry Christmas to all, 34 – 17!”

Shag-a-Fair

The first Shag-a-Fair at the Pepsi Grandstand went very well.  The crowd was large and the contestants  were outstanding.  The winners were: 1st Place, $1000, Jeff and Myers Varn from The Sumter Shag Club.  2nd Place, $500, Jeff and Dede Ward from The Carolina Shag Club in Greenville.  3rd Place, $300,  Garrett Humphries and Jessica McAlhany from The Columbia Shag Club.  4th Place, $200, Henry and Rita Dowd from The Capital City Shag Club in Columbia.  And 5th Place, $100, Jay Thaxton and Carol Thomas from The Charlotte Shag Club.
    It was a beautiful day and I enjoyed playing the music and hosting the contest.  I hope The South Carolina State Fair will do it every year from now on.  It makes a lot of sense to have The Official South Carolina State Dance at The State Fair.  If you run into Gary Goodman, The manager of The State Fair, tell him I said so.

World Vision Home Entertainment-Dave Lee

Dave Lee, the owner of World Vision Home Entertainment is a very smart man and a true gentleman.  He has built a reputation based on honesty and integrity.  When he tells you something, it’s solid.  You can take it to the bank.  He is always available to his customers anytime day or night.  I actually have him on my speed dial, 356-1000.  I would not like to own a modern television set without his number handy.  He sells all the equipment at the best price and installs everything without a single wire showing anywhere.  He even sets up a game day TV at the stadium for tailgaters that will impress all your friends. And when he sets up a home entertainment system for you  the surround sound is perfect and there will never be a glare on the screen.  It really does matter who sets it up.  I’m so thankful I know him and that he advertises on my radio show.  Every member of my family has used his services and sings his praises.  I feel so good about doing commercials for World Vision Home Entertainment.

Atlantic Coast Mortgage Group-Wayne Page

Wayne Page, the owner of Atlantic Coast Mortgage Group, has been with me for eight years and he is one of the best things that has happened to me, my wife, Jean and our daughters.  He has handled the financing or refinancing for us four times and Jean still hasn’t been able to find any hidden charges.  It’s alway a pleasant experience and you feel confidence when you close and he is sitting right there.  On the air I refer to him as “My Money Man”, and he is.  I give people his phone number, 252-LOAN,  off the air more than I do on the air and they usually end up thanking me later.  It’s easy to do commercials with Wayne page on the air.  He has such a nice voice and he’s very believable.  I thought he may cut back recently with the economy tanking but he hasn’t missed a day.  He is a real plus for my radio show and I’m glad to have a sponsor like Atlantic Coast Mortgage Group.

My Newest Caricature by Robert Ariail

If you are wondering about the caricature of me on the first page of my new website, I thought I might explain how it happened. It was drawn by one of the best cartoonist in America, Robert Ariail. I used to read The State paper every morning before my radio show. I would read it from front to back so I would be prepared for the show. In radio we call it “Prep”. I always felt uncomfortable if I missed doing it. I always knew where to find the daily Ariail cartoon. It was on the Editorial page. Some days I would turn to that page as soon as I sat down with the paper because I needed to start the day with a good laugh. I did this reading every day at the Southside Restaurant in Cayce. As soon as I saw the cartoon each day I would laugh out loud. Every body in the restaurant would say in unison, “Ariail?”. And I would see if I could explain the cartoon to the crowd.

Early this year, 2009, The State fired him during their cutbacks. I announced on the air that I would never again buy a State paper and I haven’t. I also quit eating breakfast at The Southside. I mention this on the air several times and received an email from Robert Ariail in which he said he was still in Columbia and he appreciated my comments. Then he said, “If there is anything I can ever do for you, let me know”. I wrote him back and told him that I would like a caricature. He sent it to me in a few days and every time I look at it I laugh out loud. He really captured me. You can see his work at, www.robertariail.com. He’s the best. And I am so proud to have him do me.